January 10, 2006

top ten blogger lies

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1. I don't consider myself an A-Lister.

No, but I turn up for speaking gigs at all the big conferences anyway. Uh-huh.

2. I don't care about traffic.

Of course I don't. Even though I'm a freelance consultant, and my blog is my primary way of marketing myself. Rock on.

3. I've read your blog.

Yeah, well I read the "Musings of an unemployed tech consultant" bit on the title bar, before clicking off. That counts.

4. I started blogging back in 1999.

Of course, back in 1999 a Flash-animated, brochureware homepage was considered a blog. Kinda sorta.

5. My blog has no commercial agenda.

I'm far too sexy to care about money. Exactly.

6. I only have advertising on my blog as an experiment.

That explains why the adstrip is right under the "Musings of an unemployed tech consultant" bit. Indeed.

7. I've never liked the unegalitarian term, "A-Lister".

Even though I am one. Oh, the irony.

8. I'm proud to be a D-Lister.

Even though I spend 7 hours a day writing the thing. Right.

9. He's a big hero of mine.

He's got more traffic than downtown Mexico City and I'm hoping to God he links to me one day.

10. I really admire what she's doing for the blogosphere.

I've noticed that she's currently single.

[Inspired by Mr. Kawasaki, of course.]

[BONUS LINK:] "Top Ten Reasons Why Nobody Reads Your Blog."

Posted by hugh macleod at January 10, 2006 6:51 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Link to me dammit. I'll buy a suit, promise.

Posted by: pieman at January 10, 2006 7:33 AM

Nicely done :-)

>> He's got more traffic than downtown Mexico City and I'm hoping to God he links to me one day.

lol !

Posted by: Oichi Ru at January 10, 2006 7:40 AM

Honesty is the best policy. Rock on.

Posted by: lounger at January 10, 2006 7:54 AM

#2 - I only care about the kind of traffic that comes back (all 2 of them, including me. But my dog doesn't count as he's myopic but maybe that could be a 50% traffic uplift...??)

#3 - I've got the attention span of a goldfish and the brain to match so you've got about a nanosecond to impress me (the remainder of my life is spent on spell check...often unsucessfully)

#5 - anyone who says that (let's fair...outside the folks who genuinely only want to record their lives for family and friends) needs to take the Pinocchio test

#8 - D as in dunder heid?

#10 - so you think my blog is a replacement for AFF? In your (occasionally wet) dreams

Posted by: Dennis Howlett at January 10, 2006 8:30 AM

isn't it all apart of the "sharing" thing, that you're honestly just blogging to "share knowledge and insights" and your hoping to become an a-list ?

I think hierarchy are in all layers of society.

I couldn't help but thinking that the latest article about Jason Calacanis - made him look like any rock star , any model.

does people see blogging as an easy way to reach the stars ?

hell Im blogging as a part of my carrier..
Im at the conferences for the network...
i do geekdinners for the community and the appraisal of me as a person..
I think it's cool when I meet somebody who I had no idea had such a big impact on other people..

but I like the way I can choose to display myself with my blog... whatever the cause or reason..

see you at lift'06

Posted by: henriette at January 10, 2006 8:40 AM

Maybe we should have a wiki page for anyone that falls under point #10 ....

Posted by: Barry Dorrans at January 10, 2006 9:10 AM

Barry, and if those single women tag themselves correctly, they will pop up on your rss subscription of your kind of women? ;)

Henriette: is it really a choice which parts you show or isn't it more what you don't show?

Posted by: Nicole Simon at January 10, 2006 9:27 AM

Point 10: Now I know why you and Scoble were hanging out with the french model blogger at Les blogs. And you said it was the size of her posts that you admired ;-)

Posted by: Sam Sethi at January 10, 2006 10:03 AM

If women tag themselves correctly it would be a reversal of female habits when dating.


What, bitter, me?

Posted by: Barry Dorrans at January 10, 2006 10:43 AM

Hey, I don't have a commercial agenda. Right now, I'm a graduate student. I guess I have some hope that by blogging now, I'll be more recognizable when I go to get a job.

Maybe that *is* a commercial agenda. Hmm.

No advertisements for me though. It's not because I'm too sexy or anything. I just hate them.

Posted by: Brock Tice at January 10, 2006 10:50 AM

I run a podcast site called 'Soap Detectives' for fun and giggles, podcasting 1950's radio dramas. When I first started I had the usual google ads on site, to help pay for traffic - I have about 600 daily listeners so bandwidth is a concern.

I hated what the ads did to the site. It looked disjointed and just plain ugly. So I removed them and am now asking for listener donations instead. And guess what, donations are outperforming ad revenue by about five to one. No riches are being made, but the bandwidth bill is being paid for which is all I am after.

Posted by: Andreas Duess at January 10, 2006 11:48 AM

Re: #8.

I don't spent 7 hours a day blogging. Well, almost...


:)

Posted by: dotBen at January 10, 2006 11:53 AM

Hey Hugh - yours is one of the few blogs I keep coming back to. Switched from lurking to doing - and we're doing a small group blog from Tajikistan, one of the poorest countries in the world.

I'd be intrigued to hear what you thought of this entry -

http://nightingalesangatwcc.typepad.com/tajikistan/2006/01/chained_to_pove.html

A challenge - could you come up with a cartoon that spoke to that article?

Posted by: Steven Buckley at January 10, 2006 11:53 AM

Haha, I actually /did/ start blogging in 1999 and have the archive.org archives to prove it! Admittedly it wasn't called blogging then, and it was all a bit juvenile, but it was a blog by modern standards darn it ;-)

Posted by: Peter Cooper at January 10, 2006 12:48 PM

much mirth.

Posted by: Piers Fawkes at January 10, 2006 1:46 PM

11. I haven't blogged much lately, but will post more very soon.
I have discovered that reading blogs is much easier than writing them.

:)

Posted by: Jie Kang at January 10, 2006 2:04 PM

I resent this expose on my personal style and the only way you can make up for it is to link to me three times today. While I won't buy any suits from you, I will rent that sweatshirt you were wearing at Les Blogs.

Posted by: Shel Israel at January 10, 2006 3:17 PM

Hugh:

The question is. . . Do you get PAID to speak at those conferences?

Posted by: keith at January 10, 2006 3:23 PM

There is not a blogger out there who doesn't care about traffic. Whether they are willing to admit it or not is another question.

Posted by: Matthew Price at January 10, 2006 4:45 PM

I started blogging back in 1999... wait, actually it was 1997...

Of course I'm strictly D-List material. :)

Posted by: Pete Prodoehl at January 10, 2006 5:03 PM

So... all this time, you knew?

;D

Posted by: Olivier Blanchard at January 10, 2006 5:31 PM

Hey Shel - you must have some intimate knowledge about Hugh's bathing habits that is hidden from the rest of use...do tell the secret.

And then I had another nanosecond thought...Hugh blogging in a deckchair out in the snow in his Tom McM smoking jacket, Bermudas, the ensemble completed with H having a fag hanging out the side of his mouth, a ready chilled Stormhoek to hand and a quiet chortle at these asinine comments.

The mind boggles! But I guess HM readers and lurkers should at least have the decency to pass the compliment back with appropriate shovel fulls of erudition (or what passes for it.)

Posted by: Dennis Howlett at January 10, 2006 6:00 PM

Cool, I only scored 4 out of 10.

Good stuff, I always enjoy it - long time lurker, first time commentor, potential stalker: http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies)">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies)">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies)">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies)">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies)">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies)">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies)">http://chriswolske.com/blog/2006/01/top-ten-blogger-lies

Posted by: wolske at January 10, 2006 6:29 PM

Man, I'm totally feeling you on number 9. If only because I've been blogging for the same five people for the last year.

Posted by: Greg Smyth at January 10, 2006 7:58 PM

Hugh:

How about this one --

11. I love that blogging turns the distribution of information into a conversation. (Now, how do I get all these jackass losers to stop emailing me? I'm an A-lister!)

Scott

Posted by: scott at January 10, 2006 8:51 PM

I wonder what the top 10 is for the internet, period. Lying on the internet, no matter what the venue (be it blogosphere, or other forums) seems to be pretty consistent,
For as long as I've been online...
Since back in 1927...

;-)

Posted by: solaria at January 10, 2006 10:33 PM

The minute fictional professional wrestling becomes a hit in the blogosphere, let me know.

I can't even keep my LJ updated daily, so I probably don't count too much. But at least I know it.

Posted by: Rachel at January 10, 2006 10:41 PM

#11. "Who reads top ten lists?"

#12. "I'm just a geek." (Or "I'm not a geek," as the case may be.)

#13. "Subscribed!"

Posted by: Easton Ellsworth at January 10, 2006 11:03 PM

A tree not seen for the forest:

Yelling upstairs "No honey, I'm not blogging right now."

or "No honey, I'm not reading blogs right now."

--------------------------

Posted by: DUST!N at January 10, 2006 11:06 PM

The Top Ten Lies Of Business Gurus!!!!

1. I'm successful because I'm brilliant. Never mind that I sold a money-losing piece of crap to a dot-com at the height of the internet madness. You should listen to me for my brilliant insights.

2. I'm not Ďsuccessfulí because I happened to be in the right place at the right time. No sir re, that had nothing to do with my success.

3. If you follow my advice, youíll be successful too! Just wait till the next irrational exuberant thing comes along.

4. I never ďdrank the punchĒ during the dot-com era. I always told everyone that the dot-com bubble was going to burst.

5. Just give me your money and Iíll show you how to raise more. Honest.

6. Oh, I know at least THREE companies that are doing what you are doing. If not, Iíll tell them your ideas so they can get started.

7. You donít need a direct revenue model. Just aggregate eyeballs and youíll find a way to make money.

8. I STRUGGLED to make myself a success. Never mind my wealthy parents and Ivy League education.

9. You have to have BALANCE in your life. Thatís why I divorced my old wife and took up with a young hottie after I sold my company.

10. I so successful I donít need to work. Thatís why I fly all over the country charging business wannabes $1000 to attend my seminars.


Posted by: Stupid Guy at January 10, 2006 11:58 PM

This is funny :). However, I do care about traffic simply because lately it has been abused (alot) by spambot/spamlink. Kinda eaten away my bandwith...

Posted by: Oskar Syahbana at January 11, 2006 12:46 AM

my blog is on hiatus. really, it's not dead. i swear.

Posted by: Max at January 11, 2006 12:56 AM

You are my hero ;)

Nice post btw.

Posted by: Ajay D'Souza at January 11, 2006 5:29 AM

I've read your blog.

I really have. I swear ;-)

But great post.

Posted by: AJ at January 11, 2006 10:38 AM

Did anybody read this?

Didn't think so. ;)

Posted by: Benn at January 11, 2006 10:54 AM

Wow, there are alot of comments.

Posted by: AGRADA at January 11, 2006 12:59 PM

Sheesh! It's not like I'm not sitting here in bed all day reading these mind##@@$g blogs. I otta get outta here and get a life. This blog was worth it, though...

Posted by: brie at January 11, 2006 1:35 PM

Blogging is something other people have the time to do (and read.)

Posted by: geoff at January 11, 2006 3:42 PM

My blog game is to see if she can form coherent sentences and if she's hot and single...

Posted by: Nick Hawkins at January 11, 2006 5:53 PM

You forgot one:

(11) I don't blog from work. I only spellcheck the posts that I wrote in the morning before I came in.

Posted by: Kman at January 11, 2006 9:44 PM

I'm a single female and I do nothing for the blog-world, other than to give informative posts of how sad and pathetic my life really is, and to let some of you out there know-we may be the only intelligent lifeforms around. I have no commercial agenda-I couldn't give away a cardboard box to a bum. I basically blog so years from now when I'm in an old-folks home they can read what I posted at 32 and realize I was always nuts.

Posted by: Beth at January 11, 2006 10:11 PM

#11 - I'm supporting Scoble in his defence of the China Syndrome because he needs it(yeah - and we've got a book to sell as well)

Posted by: Dennis Howlett at January 12, 2006 8:50 AM

by doing this i moved from d to z lister

http://renfah.net

Posted by: marx hafner at January 12, 2006 10:22 AM

Here's what I posted at Guy "ship shoddy" K's "blog":

Here's a lie for you:

"Ship shoddy, but ship first"
aka
"Don't worry, be crappy"

That's consumer fraud, you charalatan loser.

Posted by: steven streight aka vaspers the grate at January 12, 2006 8:19 PM

Thank god we have blogs now! Now everyone can see what people have been posting on message boards/ usenet/BBS for 30 years. Oh what a remarkable shift in the paradigm. Finally a system that distributes information and what people think.

Posted by: Mal4242 at January 12, 2006 10:39 PM

Steven Streight:

Please be nice. Thank you.

Posted by: hugh macleod at January 13, 2006 11:23 AM

How True. I'd link to my blog but I had to take it down because the traffic was crashing the server. ;)

Posted by: Jonski at January 14, 2006 11:16 AM

How true! :)

Posted by: mark at January 15, 2006 6:04 AM

HOOOCHIEEEEEEEMAMMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMMMAMAMMA

NUNANUNANANNANANANNANA!@1!!!!!!!!


HAAAAAIENNNNNNNNN HAAIIEEEEEEEENNN HAIEEEEEEEEEEN

Posted by: T_AND_HOOCH at January 15, 2006 2:15 PM

This = unfunny. Good try though, champ. Try not to suck so hard next time.

Posted by: 7b at January 15, 2006 4:42 PM

What's "traffic"?

Posted by: TmjUtah at January 15, 2006 5:43 PM

You've been instalaunched! Which would make some bloggers buy all their buds a round of drinks. But you don't care about mundane stuff about a link from the blogfaddah, huh?

Posted by: terri at January 15, 2006 5:44 PM

I don't care about my traffic. I don't even check it, much less obsess about arbitrary milestones:

http://theargumentclinic.blogspot.com/2006/01/10000-visitors-woohoo.html

Posted by: Robert at January 15, 2006 5:55 PM

Re: #4 - What's wrong with that? Personally, I've been making fun of morons on my blog since 1942.

Posted by: Stephen at January 15, 2006 7:23 PM

Come to my site. I'm all about the money and I have only been blogging two weeks.
I spend eight hours a day so no one will visit.
Thus, I do it anyway because it pleases me. Am I self-promoting, sure. Why not? No one else is going to sing my praises but me.
No ads today. We will see if I want them tomorrow. I can change my mind.

Posted by: newscoma at January 15, 2006 7:24 PM

Truth be told, in 1999 I was still doing Usenet, and under a different nickname.

Posted by: triticale at January 15, 2006 9:24 PM

Well, my blogger archives only go back to Jan 2000, but I was using another platform before that. Honest.

Posted by: joma at January 15, 2006 10:26 PM

Cool site, I actually looked at the main page. You're onto something with the graphics. I esp. like the cartoons. I'm surprised more blogs don't exploit the one pic is worth 1000 words lever.

#11 Keep telling yourself the blog experience enhances the day-job bottom line.

Posted by: Horst Graben at January 16, 2006 12:49 AM

My top 5 lies:

1. Cool blog...

I haven't actually read your cool blog, I am here promoting mine...

2. My blog is NSW

That always attracts traffic, and it might actually be true... I could be from New South Wales...

3. Let's find as many ways to link to my blog as humanlyhumanly...

Thank God for cut-and paste...

4. My blog really is NSW, but I won't tell them...

It's always fun imagining people at work, clicking furiously to get rid of pop-ups as their boss is passing by...

5. I am a girl and I am naked...

That always works...

Posted by: Sonia Belle at January 16, 2006 1:27 AM

Hitchikers guide to blogging

Posted by: gillo at January 16, 2006 10:49 AM

I tried blogging because I thought I had something to say. At the end of my first week of blogging I'd learned, to my chagrin, that I had little left to say (that is, I'd found my self to be too shallow a well) and that others had already said it more fulsomely and better.

Now I can admire the fortitude of the established blogger and empathize with the less visited ones. (now, lwt me re-trace the links that got me to this obscure place...ta! )

Posted by: Thomas Hazlewood at January 16, 2006 6:34 PM

Hugh,

Thanks for the link! I love your lies! Can you send me an email? I'd like to ask you something.

Thanks,

Guy

Posted by: Guy Kawasaki at January 16, 2006 7:09 PM

Very amusing and right on the money,

Posted by: Andrew Ian Dodge at January 17, 2006 11:08 AM

Every blogger should read this, thanks for posting it.

Posted by: Christian Montoya at January 17, 2006 9:37 PM

I've read your blog and I find it great - head on over to our blog at www.touchstonegadget.com/blog for fun!

Haha just kidding - I love the post - I have linked to your post as well (in the hope, of course, of getting more traffic from your blog!)

Posted by: Chris - Touchstone Gadget at January 18, 2006 1:52 AM

I didn't bother to read these.

Posted by: Automatt at January 18, 2006 9:36 PM

OMG PLZ DO NOT LOOK AT THIS MYSPACE PROFILE


http://myspace.com/j0ey69

Posted by: joe at January 19, 2006 3:29 AM