Agree On How To Disagree

In 2016, an Amazon Studios team was enthusiastic about a concept for a new Amazon original show. Bezos was skeptical. But instead of killing the project by authoritarian fiat, he simply said, “I disagree and commit and hope it becomes the most watched thing we’ve ever made.”

Disagree and commit. A radical concept. Because the menu of alternatives is bitter indeed:

• Disagree and demand compliance
• Disagree and debate endlessly
• Disagree and pout
• Disagree and hold a grudge
• Disagree and stonewall

Conflict resolution expert Priya Parker wrote two fascinating books:

• The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and How It Matters
• The Art of Fighting: The Transformative Power of Conflict

As Bezos’ story about the show proves, the art of gathering IS the art of fighting; the art of fighting IS the art of gathering. What’s that old cliché about the coin with the sides?

A group that gathers but doesn’t know how to fight without ‘un-gathering’ won’t remain a group for long. A group that can’t disagree and commit will disagree and dissolve. 

What should happen when we can’t agree on what should happen?

How do we all play a role in meeting the mission when we can’t agree on how the mission should be met?

Without strong, decisive answers to these two questions, every company, community, country – every culture – has a limited shelf life. That’s why the most important thing to agree on is how to disagree.