TOP TEN REASONS WHY NOBODY READS YOUR BLOG:
1. You’re not a good-looking female who likes posting naked pictures of herself.
Pretty damn obvious, if you ask me. [Not safe for work. You’ve been warned.]
2. There’s nothing in it for them.
Yeah, people really want to spend the short time they’ve been given on this Earth to find out what an unemployed managing consultant dork has to say. Dream on.
3. “Passion & Authority” are just buzzwords to you.
Yeah, I’ve read the Cluetrain as well. So has my pet canary. Get back in line.
4. A secret cabal of A-Listers got together and decided that you should be excluded from the conversation.
Yeah, they sit around sipping champagne, eating caviar and laughing about you.
5. You have nothing to say.
The fact that you haven’t figured this out yet surprises everyone.
6. You’re not The Assimilated Negro.
TAN is smart and funny. You are not. Get over it.
7. You didn’t recently sell your company to AOL for $25 million.
Somehow your eighth-grade English teacher managed to convince you that truth & beauty were more important to people than money & power. And you’ve been paying dearly for it ever since.
8. The very fact that you’re whining about traffic makes people not want to read your blog.
Instead it makes them want to emulate the champagne-swigging A-Listers currently mocking you.
9. You’ve only been writing the damn thing for a week.
And you’re already whinging. See Point Number Eight.
10. The Long Tail is very, very long.
And thanks to folk like you it’s getting EVEN LONGER. Rock on.
[FURTHER READING:] “Top Ten Blogger Lies.”
[BONUS LINK:] Kent has a very different take on things.